I was glancing back at my journal the other day, where I keep my more intimate thoughts, and I saw that I was having some difficulties on this day. I thought I would take the time to go back address it in the blog rather than skip over it completely. Without further ado…
Today I spent a lot of time thinking about my friends and family. I spent time remembering the good times and the bad, but mostly just the smiling faces of the people I love danced across my mind. Thinking of the special people in my life definitely brings comfort to me at times, but it is also a red flag. I cannot allow myself to live in my head. I have to be where I am.
It is funny when I think about it though. I think about friends, family, and familiar places often, but I never think of going home, of going back. This may be a pleasing idea for some people, but those who know me best understand that I could never do that. I said I would devote a year of my life to furthering the mission of the Brothers here and I will do exactly that.
Even though it seems instinct not to give up, I watch over my thoughts and make sure that they never dwell too long on the idyllic images of home.
During evening office I prayed for a way to use these thoughts and the emotions they evoke to inspire me to go the extra mile while I am here. I prayed that during the times when I am discouraged and feeling lost I can think of the people I love and find the strength to move on and continue my work. Instead of succumbing to the paralyzing feelings of nostalgia when I imagine my closest friends enjoying a night at the pub I can feel inspired to work harder, to make the extra effort when I think I have nothing left.
The love I have for the people I cannot see will keep me strong. So know that even though we are far apart you are with me. My love is with you and yours is within me.
-JD
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